prayer request

autumnhobbit:

hey if you guys could please pray for me, I need help.

We’re stuck in currently-more-pressing limbo AGAIN because Dad is being very himself in demanding that we have to move, there’s NOTHING that’s at all feasible either financially or practically for our family on the market, I’ve been semi-unwillingly unemployed for a month which has felt far longer, no longer having a work routine took away my disassociation which has made my mental state a roller coaster between something occasionally vaguely resembling peace and out and out despair, I can’t make any plans even if I were mentally capable of it because Mom—who flip-flops between insisting I can do whatever I want whenever I want and trying to talk me down—says I should wait until x next thing. Oh, and in this case the ‘next thing’ is a scan to check the new growth in her lung because there is now a growth in the opposite lung from the one they saw when she last had a scan, in 2010. Because that was the last time she allowed herself any medical intervention because she got sick of being guilted and harassed over it.

I’ve had a headache for the past week and have probably cried at some point while falling asleep at least five nights out of seven, soooo yeah things suck right now. And I can’t even say it’s more than usual, but helldamit this has gone on for my entire life and I am beyond sick of it. I can’t even feel sorry for myself because the guilt is making me Try To Get Right With God again and all that does is activate the ocd that says that if you ever have the slightest tendency to make excuses for yourself it’s proof you’re the worst thing alive.

Half the time I want things to be better. The other half I want my life to be over already because that’s more likely than this changing, especially for the better. I can’t even dismiss that viewpoint as drasticization, because it’s true.

I’d just really appreciate some prayers I actually believe will be answered, aka not mine. If you offer even one, it’ll mean so much to me. Thank you all.

Tag: prayer request