re: garnet

killfandom:

I see a lot posts about how garnet might not understand what it’s like to be alone, and i do think that’s true. at least, to the extent that amethyst and pearl have felt alone.

but on the flipside, i don’t believe pearl or amethyst know what it’s like to feel alone for the first time. i believe both were born feeling alone. i think they don’t know that garnet is feeling alone for the first time in her life, ever since the events of Keeping it Together. she’s heard of how homeworld treats fusions. she intrinsically knows because of sapphire and ruby and what they went through. but she’s starting to feel she’s not looked at as a person. she’s just a tactic, a tool ,an experiment. Stronger than You is all about her self-confidence in being a conversation, in being a feeling, in being made of love.

but Keeping it Together forced Garnet to see what “fusion” meant to homeworld. she kept that deep inside of her, despite how much it disturbed and distressed her, and even tried to “keep it together” for steven. think about the double meaning of the title for that episode, just as “Cry for Help” had a double meaning for pearl (and arguably amethyst).   at the end, she’s trying to bring the status quo back for steven’s sake. she wants to put away what she saw deep inside of her.

when someone is dehumanized and their very existence is heavily stigmatized, they learn to start looking for threats and aggressions in their own environment to protect themselves. for garnet to see and feel aspects and remnants of what homeworld thinks of her in pearl and amethyst must be difficult for her to deal with. even if  she’s misinterpreting how pearl feels partially, she has every right to be on the defense.

i think garnet is feeling alone for the first time in her life, and that’s heavy for her. i think she was so happy about sardonyx because she cares for pearl AND because it was a way to reclaim fusion for her after seeing the clusters and exeperiments. it was a way to make it what it is supposed to be: letting someone in, a connection, and creating a person with its  own special and unique memories, personality, strengths and weaknesses.

only to find out that pearl was using it as a tactic to feel good about herself, to the point of sabotage and deceit.

her focused anger on peridot shows how personally she’s still taking the events of Keeping it Together, and i think the reason garnet isn’t talking about it isn’t just because she want to shoulder the burden on her own. i think it’s because she honestly might not recognize what she’s feeling or fully understand it.